I had a tough pregnancy. Emotionally and physically.
“That means you’ll have an easy delivery”, everyone said.
Yeah, not quite.
30 hours of induced labor
A few scary moments
An emergency c-section
A 3week NICU stay for baby
A trip to the E.R and a week long hospital stay for mommy
yikes.
This is the shit they don’t talk about it.
We see the pretty parts. The perfect baby wrapped in colorful blankets. The smiling parents. The adoring grandparents.
But this part?
I sat in a hospital room alone.
Preemclampsia.
Two days earlier I’d handed my brand new baby girl over to strangers, who’d placed her in special ambulance for babies, and taken her to a children’s hospital across town.
And now here I was back in the hospital. My blood pressure was dangerously high. I had a blood clot in my lungs. I was retaining fluid. And I was away from my baby who I knew needed me.
Given the circumstances, I think I held it together quite nicely.
Until I didn’t.
And when I didn’t… when I finally broke… which for me looked like adamant refusal of further treatment and eventually, uncontrollable sobbing, God sent me someone who said the right thing.
As I sat on my hospital bed in a pool of tears, with emotions I couldn’t find the words to describe, a physician I’d never met before that day sat down in front of me. He hung his head, searching for the right words, I imagine.
Finally, he said, “You ever seen Forrest Gump.”
I had.
He continued. “Remember when Jenny was throwing rocks at her father’s house who abused her, and then she just collapsed into angry tears on the ground? Do you remember what Forrest said?
I didn’t.
“ He said, ‘I guess sometimes there just arent enough rocks’.
I think that means that sometimes you can throw all you have at your problem, but then you have to give it over to God.
So that’s what I’m gonna say to you. Sometimes there are things you can’t control—it is what it is and you just gotta do what you can until you can’t anymore.
And sometimes, there just ain’t enough rocks. Sometimes you just have to trust Him. “
My entire pregnancy had been a lesson in relinquishing fear and anxiety in things that I could not control. Finally understanding the sayings I’d heard my elders repeat my entire life.
”Take it to the altar and leave it there”
“ Give it to God”
”If you’re gonna pray don’t worry, and if you’re gonna worry don’t pray”
So now, in those short, but critical, moments that I have with my patients and their families, I try to be the person that says the right thing.
Even when I have to tell them bad things, I aim to say the right thing.
Because, sometimes, there just aren’t enough rocks.
Her Journey 
Loved this post. You’re absolutely right. They don’t tell you everything about pregnancy and how scary it can be. I had a similar journey with my body-my heart rate would shoot up to 250 bpm and I had a blood clot in the leg and spent a combined week and some change in the hospital. Whew! I probably need to seek some therapy even 8 years later! Thanks for sharing, it helped me 🤗. Your daughter is a beauty btw!
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Traumatizing, right? I’m so glad it helped you! We definitely have to start sharing our stories more!
That’s part of the reason I wanted to start back writing! We go through a lot and deserve to be heard, and honored!
Thank you! She’s a character! Lol
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